the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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