I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
