dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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