i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You took a bar mat shot.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
