Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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