Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
