take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
