My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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