What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I want her autograph on my taint
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He shit in the fireplace
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
