i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
