"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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