I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
whose parrot is this?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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