I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
