I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
