I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
