btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
