I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
