he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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