Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
