Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
