i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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