dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
