Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
