it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
