piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
