I got chris browned last night
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Come share oat with me in your robe
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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