Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
