Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
