Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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