Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
