He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
