Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Randomize
