Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
