Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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