At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
