pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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