You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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