I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
