my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
