If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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