I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
