so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
