All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
