just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
