i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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