So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Randomize
