So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
