Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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