Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
