I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
