So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
did you just send me my own nude
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
