yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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