btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
