i was born a porn star she said
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
